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<title>Joke Generator</title>
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<h1>Joke Generator</h1>
<div id="quoteDisplay">
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<button onclick="newquote()">New Joke</button>
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<h2> Go to http://www.laughfactory.com/jokes/clean-jokes/ for more awesome jokes! </h2>
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var quotes = [
'Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9!',
'I\'m reading an anti-gravity book. It\'s impossible to put down!',
'What kind of cheese doesn\'t belong to you? Nacho cheese!',
'Why can\'t you trust atoms? They make up everything.',
'Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot!',
'Can February March? No, but April May!',
'What kind of dog does Dracula have? A bloodhound.',
'What do you call a cold dog? A chilli dog!',
'Why did that cat run away from the tree? It was afraid of the bark!',
'Why don\'t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny!',
'Why don\'t eggs tell each other jokes? They\'d crack each other up!',
'How many seconds are in a year? 12! (Jan 2, Feb 2, Mar 2, Apr 2...)',
'Who was the roundest knight at King Aurthur\'s round table? Sir Cumference!',
'I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.',
'A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.',
'The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.',
'No matter how much you push the envelope, it\' still be stationery.',
'A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.',
'A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.',
'Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.',
'Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.',
'Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here, I\'ll go on ahead."',
'I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.',
'A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."',
'A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.',
'It\'s not that the man didn\'t know how to juggle, he just didn\'t have the balls to do it.',
'The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium, at large.',
'Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Chicken!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"',
'A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."',
'My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.',
'What happens to a frog\'s car when it breaks down? It gets toad away.',
'Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn\'t let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.',
'Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I\'ve already got a freaking cat!"',
'Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."',
'Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick? A: "Put it on my bill."',
'A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She\'s a blonde so she reads slow: "Come for ta bull."',
'Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."',
'A boy asks his father, "Dad, are bugs good to eat?" "That\'s disgusting. Don\'t talk about things like that over dinner," the dad replies. After dinner the father asks, "Now, son, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy says. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it’s gone."',
'Q: Why did the witches\' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.',
'Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? A: Of course. The Empire State Building can\'t jump.',
'A bus full of ugly people had a head on collision with a truck. When they died, God granted all of them one wish. The first person said, "I want to be gorgeous." God snapped his fingers and it happened. The second person said the same thing and God did the same thing. This want on and on throughout the group. God noticed the last man in line was laughing hysterically. By the time God got to the last ten people, the last man was laughing and rolling on the ground. When the man\'s turn came, he laughed and said, "I wish they were all ugly again."',
'Q: Why couldn\'t the leopard play hide and seek? A: Because he was always spotted.',
'Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.',
'In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."',
'Q: Why couldn\'t the man add 10 + 5 on a calculator? A: He couldn\'t find the "10" button.',
'Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.',
'There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don\'t forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said. The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream." She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him, and again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream." Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband and again he said, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top." So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where\'s the toast?"',
'Q: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? A: It\'s okay. He woke up.',
'A husband and wife were driving through Louisiana. As they approached Natchitoches, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town. They argued back and forth, then they stopped for lunch. At the counter, the husband asked the blonde waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are very slowly?" She leaned over the counter and said, "Burrr-gerrr Kiiing."',
]
function newquote() {
var randomNumber = Math.floor(Math.random() * (quotes.length));
document.getElementById('quoteDisplay').innerHTML = quotes[randomNumber];
}